Jody Faison’s Rhyming Recipes

RHYMING RECIPES


Jody Faison



TABLE OF CONTENTS

 

PASTA YAYA    2

HERSHY BAR CAKE    3

BROKEN HEARTED FETTUCCINI    4

FAISON FILET    5

VARIATION ON A PASTA IN E MINOR    6

YE OLE CHICKEN FLORENTINE    7

CHICKEN GINGER AND MARY ANN    8

JACKETS and CAVIAR    9

ELEGY FOR A PAN-FRIED TROUT    10

YUPPIE FRITTERS    11

NEXT BEST THING TO ROBERT REDFORD    12

HOW TO SAUTE    14

BROCCOLI STRATA    15

ORIGIN OF RHYMING RECIPES    16

 

PASTA YAYA

Pasta YaYa is Cajun dish

Make it when you’re tired of fish

Cook Andoullie sausage or something hot

Boil plain water in a pot

Drop in bouillon cubes of bird

Be sure they’re smunched, and crunched and stirred

 

Pasta YaYa Ya Ya Ya

Just like your Moma Ma Ma Ma

Use to make down in New Orleans

Before Katrina wiped the damn place clean

 

Remove the pot and grab a pan

We’ll sauté like a crazy man

Heat some oil of any kind

Cook all the peppers you can find

Add chopped garlic and onion too

Till the aroma holds you like super glue

 

Slice some strips of chicken breast

And add them in with all the rest

Cook until they turn to white

Then add the sausage just for spite

And boil ‘em till they start to scream

In half a cup of heavy cream

When the sauce begins to thicken

Add a little broth of chicken

And one big pinch of blackening spice

(Recipe included, because I’m nice)

Add the pasta, prepared in advance,

Soon your tongue will start to dance.

 

HERSHY BAR CAKE

Hershey bar cake, it’s easy as hell

I’ll give the secret, but you can’t tell

Buy two boxes of pudding mix

Shame on me, revealing my tricks

Then a Duncan Hines’ devil’s food cake

Something close is no mistake

Compound the cake, fix the mix

Your wooden spoon can take the licks

Pour both into a well-greased pan

Do you feel like a baker man?

Then with gentle care and lovin’

Put the cake into the oven

When the timer starts to stop

Put the Hershey bars on top

As they melt, spread ‘em out

The neighbors soon will scream and shout

So share it well in Chocolate-ville

But don’t forget to send the bill.

 

BROKEN HEARTED FETTUCCINI

Broken hearted fettuccini

Will not keep you teeny weenie

But who knows you might just find

Someone of a similar mind

Who likes a noodle laced with cream

And knows a winning seafood team

So lets head to that special room

That stores your pots and pans and broom

To fill a pot with H20

And get your pasta "rhet" to go

Pull out your trusty sauté pan

Add some oil, I know you can

Then the garlic and snips of chive

Ain’t it great to be alive

Put in scallops, cook till white

Crab meat helps to make things right

Then add halves of artichoke hearts

(From which the dish’s name imparts)

Can’t forget the heavy cream

Reduce it till it gets that gleam

Of romance beyond reasoning

Then we add the seasoning

Salt, pepper, lemon juice

A torch song from a drunk chanteuse

Then garnish with some parsley, chopped

I bet some French bread will be sopped

Into the plate, no need to wait

Call and make that special date

If all else fails you’ll be well fed

And now, of course, you are well read…

 

FAISON FILET

Faison filet, the king of meat

A thrill to grill, a treat to eat

Buy yourself one big filet

Eight ounces is enough to weigh

Rub it with some olive oil

This will keep your victim loyal

Grill it to your favorite temp

Or burn it if you’re smoking hemp

 

It’s the top there is no "utter"

Topped with crabmeat, warmed in butter

King crab, snow crab, beggar crab, thief

A bump of lump will add relief

 

Add some mushrooms if you please

Give a lemon half a squeeze

Finish this dish from the carnivore craze *

Topped with creamy rich béarnaise

Serve it beside a couch potato

Asparagus, grilled green tomato

Preferred by beef lovers everywhere

Any dish they don’t have to prepare.

 

It’s the top there is no "utter"

Topped with crabmeat, warmed in butter *

King crab, snow crab, beggar crab, thief

A bump of lump will add relief

 

Faison filet, the king of meat

A thrill to grill, a treat to eat

Buy yourself one big filet

Maybe have some for another day

 

VARIATION ON A PASTA IN E MINOR

This pasta with a wacky name

Is known to take a tongue and tame

The savage beast inside us all

I guess you know I’m kidding yawl

I like it best with green linguini

And sushi grade salmon sashimi

But it will work with any lox

You just open up the box

Have your dente pasta ready

This is not your Mom’s spaghetti

Grab olive oil, the best you can

And pour a bit into your pan

Add green onion, garlic, shallots,

Properly crunched beneath your mallets,

As that great aroma tapers

Add a slew of bottled capers

Sun-dried tomatoes go in next

Keep your sauté muscle flexed

Till all is fixed and mixed and hot

Then pour the goods out of your pot

For garnishing with salmon strips,

Diced red onion and cream cheese chips

Now you’re ready to play the tune

Upon your fork and pasta spoon.

 

 

YE OLE CHICKEN FLORENTINE

The oldest dish I’ve ever seen

Ye Ole Chicken Florentine

An ancient mix of spinach and ‘shrooms

Finished with cream and white wine fumes

Sauté a breast the traditional way

Boneless and skinless – I should say

Then garlic, of course, green onion too

Shake it, bake it, through and through

Remove the chicken, reserve they say

Add ‘shrooms and spinach and cook away

Well not away, ’cause when they’re done

We’re going to have more sauté fun

Around the pan with Chardonnay

Or whatever’s cheap in a box today

Hear it sizzle, watch it steam

Then kill it off with heavy cream

Not too much, just a touch

Guess you’ve never heard of such

A thing from me as brevity

here less is more , you’ll agree

Salt and pepper, then slosh around

Top the chicken, form a mound

Finish with grated Parmesan

Broil till it puts a brown coat on

Serve it soon with carrots and rice

Or go out for dinner and roll the dice…

 

 

CHICKEN GINGER AND MARY ANN

Chicken Ginger and Mary Ann

Makes itself inside the pan

Sometimes sober or on a binger

I wished that I could make Ginger

But here’s the dish named for the dishes

Desired objects of childhood wishes

What a waste, what a sin

Stranded there with Gilligan

 

Sa la vie, Lets sauté

And forget about the castaways

Garlic, onion and olive oil

Bring some water to a boil

Pre-prepare the Angel Hair

This dish needs a little flair

(As did our favorite castaway

To guide a passing plane their way)

 

But I digress, what a mess,

This will make the dish progress *

Cook chicken strips and condiments

Then add ginger for the gents

Put angel hair into the pan

Add some cream of Mary Ann

Or coconut milk from a foreign shore

Of your local Thai food store

Then salt and pepper, slop around

Plate it out into a mound

Even Thurston can ill afford

To toss this dish overboard

 

The skipper had his Minnow *

The professor had Jay Leno

On that radio he made

That heard the future hit parade

But who guessed there’d be a dish

Named for a lusty childhood wish?

Chicken Ginger and Mary Ann

Makes itself inside the pan.

JACKETS and CAVIAR

When you need a tasty treat

Jackets and caviar can’t be beat

Buy new potatoes and boil ‘em up

scoop ‘em out like a coffee cup

Then Bake or fry these little shells

Stuff with cheese, it never fails

To gratify, to satisfy,

Mix any cheeses you care to try

To make the mix of cheese behave-

Melt it down in the microwave

Then top the tots with sour cream

And caviar, any color scheme

Perfect for parties, so you’ll find,

to throw at your guests if you’re so inclined

ELEGY FOR A PAN-FRIED TROUT

If you wanna serve this savory dish

Go down to the river and catch yourself a fish

A catfish maybe, if it’s carp, better shout,

"Honey, run to the market and buy me a trout"

Red pepper, yellow pepper, jalapeno more

Snag a few shallots while you’re down at the store

Pecans from the pantry, cornmeal in a jar

Grab yourself a lemon and some bourbon from the bar

Cilantro’s in the garden, butter’s in the box

Reader, do you understand I may have lost my rocks?

Melt a little butter; press the trout into the crumbs

Fry it in the pan till that crispy color comes

Heat a smaller pan, melt more butter down

Add some crushed pecans and toast ‘em golden brown

Throw in all your peppers, your shallots, and your herbs

You’re on the way to being Betty Crocker of the ‘burbs

Squeeze in the lemon; salt it to your taste

First it hits the fish, then it hits your waist

Before you take your fork, and give this dish the test

Add a little bourbon, then just drink the rest.

YUPPIE FRITTERS

Yuppie fritters are no quitters

They’re overachievers, like the critters

I named this appetizer after

I’m a member; hold your laughter

I used the stuff that was the rage

Of the restaurant golden age

Sun-dried tomatoes, creamy brie

No one now would disagree

That pesto sauce and spiced pine nuts

Helped us grow these yuppie guts

I mixed ‘em all into the batter

That helped us get a little fatter

And dropped them in a fryer vat

We’re married now, so what we’re fat!

Best served with low-fat Cajun dip-

The 1980′s were such a trip.

 

NEXT BEST THING TO ROBERT REDFORD

Robert Redford, if he knew me

I’d like to think, would not sue me

This recipe’s from a church cookbook

Surely if Redford took a look

He’d see that God had used his name

To grant the pot luck suppers fame

Maybe the Holy Spirited Wiz

Wants to try the restaurant biz

His tricks with fish and bread aren’t lost

As means of handling high food cost

 

I confess. I digress

Bob won’t ever see this mess

But were he to gripe and groan,

I’d turn it into Newman’s own.

 

So would you like to try this cake?

Here are the simple steps we take-

Mix flour, butter and chopped pecan

Get a 9 x 13- lay it on

Bake for seven at three five oh

Cool, this layer’s ready to go.

 

Now is when we add the sex

Our sugar’s rated triple x!

8 soft ounces of smooth cream cheese

Then Coolwhip, six-teen oh z’s

Mix, mate, beat it well

Use some milk if it’s hard as hell

Then spread it over layer one

Next we’ll have some chocolate fun.

 

Make two packs of pudding mix

Dark and handsome chocolate tricks

Spread it over layer two

Oh my Gosh we’re almost through

Add more Cool Whip on the top

Pecans and Heath bars need a chop

Sprinkle on with love and care

Think of them as Redford’s hair

Then run your fingers through the dish

And stuff it in your face and wish

That it were Redford’s sweet affection

Not my substitute confection

That’s why it’s called The Next Best Thing-

Lets risk a one-piece fling…

 

HOW TO SAUTE

Teaching someone to sauté

The New Orleans old-fashioned way

Is something nice for this old cook

I didn’t learn it from a book

But from crusty chef-ly codgers,

Artful, ornery, convention dodgers

Who told me of their major plan

To harvest power from a pan

A little prep… snip, snip, snip

A little wine… sip, sip, sip

A little oil to pave the way

And learn professional sauté

Add chopped garlic to the pan

Then some sliced green "on-e-ann"

That’s Cajun-speak

You could use leek

Add anything else that you desire-

Good chefs only need the fire.

BROCCOLI STRATA

Breakfast time- an ungodly hour

It take courage to light the fire

Under the eggs and under our legs

It calls for juice from coffee dregs

 

One thing that wakes you with bravado

The aroma of baking broccoli strata

Make it up the night before

And give yourself more time to snore

Or for you and the Misses to misbehave

That’s why they made the microwave

 

So grab your 9×13 baking dish

Let’s start to make this dish delish

Butter the bottom and around the sides

So when done it doesn’t scoop it glides

Now crack twelve eggs into your bowl

A cup of milk, we’re on a roll

A 4th a cup of butter, melted

If you’re from Birmingham that’s smelted

Next add garlic ’cause we’re not messing

And one full cup of blue cheese dressing

½ tea of thyme and a ½ tea of savory

Congrats upon your culinary bravery

 

Now cover your bottom with slices of bread

The bottom of the pan you silly head

Spread over the broccoli and ½ the egg stuff

But save the rest so you’ll have enough

To cover another layer of sliced white bread

Don’t let these skills go to your head

 

Cover the top with cheddar cheese

Slide in the oven that’s 350 degrees

For 45 minutes or till puffy and brown

It’s a hormone thing, just let it cool down

Then cut yourself a gleeful square

No one says you have to share.

ORIGIN OF RHYMING RECIPES

Not everyone agrees

On the origin of rhyming recipes

I thought the idea was my own

Till I was most abruptly shown

A video of a kiddie show

They outsmart us all, you know,

Where witches stirred a misty brew

And spoke a mystic word or two

And every line came out in rhyme

My ideas blown, why waste my time?

But when they told an ingredient

I knew my time was not misspent

‘Cause where would one find eye of newt?

Oil of turtle or Venus root?

Or dust of baby albino frog?

Must be a specialty catalogue?

Or another likely bet

Somewhere on the Internet

So I decided to gear my book

To those who only want to cook

And not cast any evil spells

Content with typical kitchen smells

Like garlic frying in olive oil

Shrimp as they begin to boil

Or an oven with roasting duck

Or with any kind of luck

A mealtime spent in simple bliss

Created by sheer silliness

 

About jodyfaison

law student songwriter married 5 kids, (2 under 4) Old as hell...
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